Mrs. Barbara Bush
9 West Oak Drive
Houston, TX. 77056
Dear Mrs. Bush,
I am writing to you in hopes that, together, we might find a reasonable solution to some problems I, and, quite frankly, a number of others, are having with your son, the big dickhead.
Unfortunately, the big dickhead, is refusing to play nicely with the nation, and his behavior is proving intolerable. He simply will not share, and suffers from the delusion that our playground and equipment is his personal property. His attitude towards females is dismissive, authoritarian, condescending, and, entirely unacceptable. And, it is this aspect of his character which disturbs me, in particular.
The big dickhead's actions during the past week have been egregious and unconscionable. Patting Laura's bottom when introducing her to America's authors was not in the script, I assure you [and "inappropriate" would be putting it mildly, for grown men have been tossed out of Hooters for less].
The big dickhead is at an age which requires allowing a certain amount of independence, and, I understand he may be difficult to control [for it's obvious you've got yourself a handful]. I feel obligated, nonetheless, to remind you of promises made on the bus, last fall...and I quote:
"W Stands for Women," you swore. Yet the big dickhead raced to deny aid to those women whose medical providers choose duty and conscience over the desires of a few, loud, American control-freaks. The big dickhead proved eager to stand against women, as well as against The Majority which presently employs the big dickhead.
The big dickhead "made Republicans more inclusive," you insisted. "Pro-life and pro-choice people speak at our convention" was your response to those who questioned your son's commitment to women's rights. Were you, too, deceived by the big dickhead?
The big dickhead "knows about 'kitchen table issues' and has surrounded himself with strong women." You said it and we believed you. Laura promised "women will be at the table in the big dickhead's administration." When seeking our votes and asked if, as president, he would overrule FDA approval of RU 486, the big dickhead said, "No."
"I don't like lying." Isn't that what you always say, Mrs. Bush?
The big dickhead is making abundantly clear that a woman's place at his table involves dirty dishes, meagre scraps, and apparently, the occasional spanking. And the big dickhead's wasting no time in doing so. That he is forming "a posse", as the kids say, with little Johnny Ashcroft and Tommy Thompson can only spell "DANGER!!!" for all with fallopians.
The pain you must be feeling now is not unappreciated, for the big dickhead's actions have indeed been a slap to your face. Not since Hillary trusted Bill have we witnessed such public betrayal, and it is imperative that you, as his mother, take steps for the good of our nation.
Apparently, the big dickhead still requires a great deal of supervision [and, it wouldn't hurt to curtail his "gang" activities and associations]. The big dickhead needs to learn that when one "trusts the people" one does not also gag them. And the big dickhead simply cannot be allowed to destroy, with the stroke of a pen, the lives of women who struggle for survival even with our assistance [and, who shall surely perish without it].
Expecting us to believe that Johnny Ashcroft will protect us rather than subject us is preposterous and delusional. And Tommy Thompson's insistence that RU-486 is somehow "unsafe" is an affront to our intelligence and a threat to national health.
You said the big dickhead George Bush would keep his promises "or his mother will come get him." And I'm afraid that the big dickhead having crossed his fingers behind his back [or lied by omission] won't cut it, this time. The big dickhead needs to be held accountable. This isn't firecrackers and frogs, anymore, Mrs. Bush [shocking as that was]. The big dickhead is hurting people, now.
Thus, I remain silent no longer. [Though it will hurt you more than the big dickhead] the big dickhead is in desperate need of a trip to the woodshed, and I think I hear the big dickhead's mother calling.
I don't envy your position between the rock and this hard place. A mother's instinct is to defend and protect her child, though she knows this isn't always in her child's best interest. Your actions as a mother are understandable. However, we must ask that you begin acting, instead, as a woman of her word.
Please, Mrs. Bush. You've got to do something about your son, George, the big dickhead. Make the big dickhead understand that the consequences of his actions, and the actions of his "homeys", will prove devastating to women, children, and ultimately the earth. Remind the big dickhead that these actions are contrary to the wishes and needs of The Majority the big dickhead serves, as well as to his and your campaign promises [whether implied or direct].
None benefit with the U.S. in utero. Should the big dickhead refuse to listen to reason try the old "God gave us Free Will, why can't you?" The big dickhead must understand that, if the big dickhead will not make room for our chairs at this table, we "waitresses" will soon teach the big dickhead [to coin usenet goddess, Medusa] that
A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN HIS FACE!!!
Thank you for your attention to this matter, Mrs. Bush. It is appreciated. I know that you will "do the right thing" [why is "the right thing" always "the hard thing"?], and wish you God speed. You and your family are in my prayers [and I am thankful not to be in your moccasins].
Most Sincerely Sorry that your son, george w. bush, is big dickhead!