Nobody's All Bad -- Saddam Loves His Pussycat & the Resident Loves Ol' Sparky!
a gentle reminder from Reality's bitch
27 AVRIL 2003


Just finished reading a Buzzflash Reader Commentary [linked below] which not only addressed the ludicrous contentions of the Bush regime re Iraqui WsMD but proffered a pivotal "camel theory" which reminded me of a "joke" which reminded me of a "joke" -- Truths are, indeed, spoken in jest...

Reagan was the official beginning of The End for this country. The average American "loves" him because he did nothing but flatter us, endlessly. All we needed to know was that we were the smartest, the greatest, the kindest, the prettiest. And, of course, that God loves us best and blesses us, only.

Reagan put us on a full-throttle IV of pretty lies and we quickly became junkies, happy as proverbial pigs in shit. Rushing on self-love and then nodding-off in the arms of self-importeus, we didn't care to notice he was playing Anna Nicole to our doddering billionaire. Only difference being that Anna Nicole may actually have loved her old coot, on some level. Reagan and his cronies, however, were simply using our arrogance and willing ignorance against us. Thus, the following joke seemed a perfect parable for this Grand Illusion:

Ronnie Bear & We the People Rabbit

One day, Ronnie Bear and We the People Rabbit were taking a dump in the woods, when Ronnie Bear asked, "Excuse me, Beautiful Rabbit, but. Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" "Why, no," said We the People Rabbit. So Ronnie picked the People up and wiped himself...

Which brings us to:
Bear & Rabbits & Camels. Oh, My!

The influential Moron-American's response to 9/11, Afghanistan, Iraq, and soon Syria, Iran, etc., ad nauseam, is reminiscent of a joke first heard more than four decades ago. Now updated and shaggy-dogged for a new generation...

A U.S. Army Chaplain [maybe even this one] at a U.S. military crossroad just outside of Baghdad is the sole owner of the only herd of camels in the region. They're all his and nobody else's and don't even bother asking how a U.S. Army Chaplain at a U.S. military crossing just outside of Baghdad becomes the sole owner of the only herd of camels in the region or you'll put our troops in danger and the terrorists will win and why don't you just move to France!

One day, a U.S. soldier approached the U.S. Army Chaplain and said he'd need a 10-gallon camel rather than a 5-gallon camel in order to complete his mission. Might the U.S. Army Chaplain have a 10-gallon camel in his vast, personal herd?

"You've asked, and it shall be answered," cried the U.S. Army Chaplain! "God will bless you with a 10-gallon camel, and all He demands in return is that you first sit cross-legged on my dirt floor for ten hours while I tell you about His Son!"

Having nothing better to do and loads of free time, the U.S. soldier on a military mission quickly realized his good fortune, heaved a sigh of relief, and dropped to his knees on the U.S. Army Chaplain's dirt floor.

Ten hours later, the U.S. soldier had earned himself a 10-gallon camel. Though it was 3am and he hadn't slept nor eaten nor had anything to drink nor been allowed to go to the bathroom nor continue his mission, he sure knew Jesus! The U.S. Army Chaplain said they could now go get the 10-gallon camel...OR! They could recite prayers for another three hours if the U.S. soldier would like a saddle and bridle to go with that camel.

The U.S. soldier realized he'd need a saddle and bridle and figured 6am would be a better start time and if he was lucky maybe the chaplain would feed him breakfast. And the U.S. Army Chaplain was certain the U.S. soldier would never ask why all the saddles and bridles are stamped "PROPERTY OF US ARMY" or he'd be putting all of his buddies in danger and die and probably be buried in France.

They prayed and prayed and prayed some more, and when the sun rose they walked to one of the U.S. Army Chaplain's private camel corrals at the U.S. military crossroad just outside of Baghdad, and the chaplain instructed the soldier he might as well go ahead and choose the camel he liked best because there would be no breakfast.

"Are they all 10-gallon camels?" asked the tired, hungry, thirsty, dutiful soldier.

"10-gallon camels are made, son, not born," replied the chaplain. "Choose the camel you think you'd like and, in Jesus' name, I will make you a 10-gallon camel."

The tired, hungry, thirsty, confused-but-dutiful soldier did as he was told and chose the largest camel from the chaplain's wholely-owned personal stash, after which the chaplain culled him from the private herd, and then led him to a water trough where the camel began to drink his fill. As the camel drank, the chaplain retrieved two bricks from a nearby shed and returned, moving to the camel's tail. Standing with a brick in each hand, the chaplain spread his arms wide, then clapped the bricks together, using all of his strength to quickly smash the unsuspecting camel's testicles between the two bricks.

The camel and the soldier gasped as one. As did the crowd which was gathering around them. However, as the camel's mouth had been in the water when his balls tolled, he'd added an extra gallon of water on the inhale.

The U.S. Army Chaplain then ordered several of the soldiers to hold the camel's mouth underwater, and four times he repeated the procedure until a 10-gallon camel stood before them.

"Doesn't that hurt?" asked an embedded reporter, curiously uncurious as to how in the world a U.S. Army Chaplain might find himself the proud and sole owner of the only herd of camels at a U.S. military crossroad just outside of Baghdad.

"Only when I get my fingers in the way!" the chaplain reassured.

Yes, indeed. A parable for our times. Ask the majority of Americans, these days, and they'll tell you -- "The death and devastation in Iraq is the stuff of nightmares. We lost more than a hundred people, the sand jammed guns, sabotaged tanks, and ruined jeeps. And those bastards showed embarrassing video of American troops looking like they wished they were way better at reading maps even though we know they only made a wrong turn because they're brave heros who would rather die than live in France!"

Which brings us to the BuzzFlash Reader Commentary about how fucking stoopid one must be in order to believe going to massacre against Iraq was necessary because Saddam Hussein had "weapons of mass destruction" he planned to use against the U.S., on U.S. soil, unless we went after him -- in which case he would do as he was told, earlier, and destroy the "weapons of mass destruction." Or, would he? Cue the camels...

Saddam Ate His Weapons of Mass Destruction.
The American Press Ate the Story.
That's the Real Story.

http://www.buzzflash.com/buzzscripts/buzz.dll/sub2