Actions Speak More Loudly Than Words
BY THEIR FRUITS YE SHALL KNOW THEM

Why do those who screech of an "all Powerful-all Knowing" God behave, in actuality, as though God is an intransigent, willful child with severe learning disabilities and a raging chemical imbalance? "If we weren't watching Him like a hawk He'd never get ANYthing right!"

"Good Christians" INSIST God said:
"Good Christians" insist God MEANT:

And God spoke all these words, saying: "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage."

And God spoke all these words, saying: "I am the LORD your God, who always likes you best, who knows you're the only one who really understands Me.

1. "You shall have no other gods before Me."

1. "You shall have no other gods before Me, but having other gods beside Me is okay as long as said gods are red, white [My favorite color], and blue. Or pure gold."

2. "You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them."

2. "I know much about art, and you shall know what I like! You shall remind all who's The Creative One around here, and cater to My personal tastes. Christ on a cross pleases Me. You shall use My discretion when it comes to carvings and likenesses and such."


3. "You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain."

3. "You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, but the LORD will hold him guiltless who uses His name in advertising, politics, war, and other of His errands."


4. "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates."

4. "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy for My teams. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son [unless the remote is broken], nor your daughter [unless it's a play-off and your wife needs help in the kitchen], nor your stranger whose beer is within your fridge."


5. "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you."

5. "Honor your father and your mother, that your days of paying no rent nor doing your own laundry may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you."


6. "You shall not kill."

6. "You shall not kill unless certain it is My wish."


7. "You shall not commit adultery."

7. "You shall not commit adultery unless taken for granted and/or misunderstood."


8. "You shall not steal."

8. "You shall not steal [taking something you know I'd want you to have is not, technically, 'stealing']."


9. "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."

9. "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor until your neighbor crosseth My line."


10. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's."

10. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's. You shall get a better house, a hotter wife, and, by the time you read this, you shall know that oxen and donkeys are for losers."


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